fuck you internet split personalities.

I use the internet like you. However I have one personality, I do not have a real life personality and then an alter personality on the Internet. I am cranky and bitchy have a select handful of friends and enjoy being a laze ass in real life and on the Internet. So when I interact with people in real life I assume I am getting the REAL person. This is apparently not the case I have come to realize that people are sometimes not what they appear to be. Usually these split personalities are pleasant in the real world and major assholes on the Internet. This is not cool people. I meet you in real life and feel slightly guilty about my shitty self and vow to be a nicer human being then I find our that you are really a bigger jerk then me! Quit inspiring me then tearing me down. I especially hate jerks who use popular websites to hate on people. Fuck you have the guts to say it to my face, because if I see you I am not going to be nice and then hate on you on the Internet I am going to kick you in the face. You have been warned.

why old man why?

There is an old man who comes into my workplace and orders food. He proceeds to eat the food. The strange thing is while he lays a napkin in is lap and seems to have the knowledge of table manners he always ends up smearing his food all over his face, as a toddler would. His food goes in his mouth, but also the inch of face surrounding the mouth hole area. For this reason we have named him Mrs. Doubtfire. A character Robin Williams played who crossed dressed and once hid his hairy mug by smashing a frosted cake on his face. Well now that you have been introduced to our Mrs. Doubtfire let me tell you why I question him. I do not question his hitting on the staff with cheap floral bouquets. No that is quite ordinary. I do not question the licking of his index and thumb fingers as he rolls each dollar bill out of his money clip. While gross this is also a familiar sight. However when one of the staff started wearing her glasses to work rather than contacts he perhaps went too far. What did he do? Well the girl gives him the change due and he says," you are wearing glasses." Well she can't argue so she says,"yup." Mrs. Doubtfire then says," you look better without glasses." and walks away to enjoy his mini facial/meal. Well what did our little employee do? Nothing what can you do he is not engaging her in a debate or asking why she has started wearing glasses. He is just letting her know that well she looks better without them.  Well this in itself is not too bad. Many of us food service workers have been told our new hairstyles are unflattering, we have gained weight, etc. Customers alerting us to personal flaws we must have missed while preparing for work. What a kind service, correcting our toilette missteps. We would not want to upset delicate tum tums with our grotesque visage. Well this would have been funny and we all would have laughed and let it roll off our backs but Mrs. Doubtfire is persistent. Mrs. Doubtfire returned for a meal and when receiving his change says to the same girl, "you are wearing glasses." And our girl says, "yes" and Mrs. Doubtfire continues, "You look better without glasses." Well our girl has pity imagining Mrs.Doubtfire to be a tad senile she says,"yes, you have already told me that I look better without glasses, last week." Is that the end, oh no Mrs. Doubtfire's parting words, "well then you should do something about it then." And that is why I question Mrs. Doubtfire. What do you expect her to do cast off the bonds of her glasses to please you, what is next her blouse? Are we some unwilling participants in a beauty pageant in your mind? I wonder what talents you assign to us?

Politics for the masses.

Ah election time. A time for citizens to elect the people to serve them and be their voice in our democracy. The season of campaigning. We hear the sound bites, read the articles, watch debates, and all the rest. Then we vote and someone is a loser and someone wins and the rest of us  are sometimes forgotten in the shuffle. As I watch this election season I am struck by the question I have asked ever since fourth grade when I fist learned about republicans and Democrats and elections and so forth and so on. why do politicians try to be so middle of the road, why can't they stand solidly on the issues? Let me elaborate. I have opinions on many issues, some issues I feel strongly about but some I could debate and perhaps change position I also have a sense of what others around me feel. If I was a candidate and the issue was the death with dignity issue I personally feel that people have the right to choose when they die...please don't debate not really what we are talking about.....I also feel that the community around me as a group feels the same way. I would say hey I feel this way and I think you feel this way and I will support this. Now if I did not have an strong opinion I would say hey I don't know how I feel but I sense the majority support this so as your voice I will support this issue. Now politician's trying to get the most votes might say that this is a complex issue and they can see both sides and perhaps a republican would say that life is sacred and they would hope to protect life and a democrat would say that a humans right to die at a time of their choice is humane and just. Neither would say, " I would repeal/protect and or vote for/against any such bill" that is a sound bite commitment that no one wants to make and be held accountable to. Now the issue is much deeper than I am getting into but this is a tiny tip of the political mess we are in today. Why aren't politicians the voice of the people anymore? Why has no politician ever said I will lead the country this way not because I think it is best not because of political donations, not because of party lines but because this is what is best for the majority of people and what the majority want? And yes some of you are going to get screwed but this will be best for all of us in the long term. I want someone just once to be clear and honest and you know what even if I get the short end of the stick I would rather have that then democracy disaster. 

Jamming stuff where it does not belong.

Now I have jammed alot of stuff in alot of places and perhaps you are starting to worry where I am going with this, stay with me.  Today I saw a man sit down at a table and start to enjoy the meal I had just served him. I then saw him proceed to notice that his table was wobbly. He then wadded up a handful of napkins and jammed them under one of the table legs to stabilize the thing. This man is not the first person I have seen do this. Many a time have I reached under tables to dislodge newspapers, napkins, and general debris that had been used to stabilize the table. Here is my gripe....when you jam this garbage under the table leg do you not notice the adjustable foot pad that is located right there? Did you not think gee if I just twist this it will stabilize the leg and then I will not have to jam this garbage under here and make an eyesore that someone else will have to cleanup later because I am a obviously not going to remove the garbage when I leave? No you don't? Well why not? Now it is not your job to go to restaurants and adjust tables, yes an employee should notice the wobble and fix it prior to you sitting down. However if you get to the table and sit and have the misfortune of getting a wobbler don't just jam stuff where it does not belong either fix it or ask an employee to do it.

what's new with the weather?

I have use of all five senses. Even if I did not have use of all five of my senses I would be able to tell you what the weather was right now. Since I can see outside it is very easy to discern the weather pattern cloudy with showers, and occasional sun breaks. I see no need to turn on the television and watch the current weather forecast on the news. I also see no need for the weatherman to recap the weather that already happened. Sure it is occasionally nice to know exactly how hot or cold it was but that is at most a three second sound bite. Why does the local news waste so much time telling us what the weather is right now and then recapping what the weather was earlier? Oh gee was it cold this morning well since it is now three in the afternoon I can use this key piece of information for exactly nothing. Thank you for wasting my brain space. Also many of us can see the trend of cold in the morning warmer in the day then cooling at night this is usually how the weather works. Telling us this is unnecessary, now if the weather suddenly stopped following this pattern then that would be information worth sharing but for many of us the weather can be summed up: similar to yesterday, over the next month progressively getting 1-3 degrees warmer during the day because it is spring and that is the weather in spring.

Cult Couture

I think that cults really have a great hook. Not the leadership or the group activities or even the spirituality but the great outfits. I mean where else can anyone much less a group of many wear a full velour sweatsuit, or a bright yellow muumuu or a nice soft robe all day long when going about your day to day activities. Now I do not really approve of cults in fact those that wear military fatigues just have nothing going for them. Even the military takes a break and wears sweats sometimes. Now I don't plan on joining a cult nor do I support others joining them but why can't we wear sweats everyday? There is not too much that I do during the day that I cannot accomplish in sweats. Why the stigma? I see someone wearing sweats out in public during the work week and I think perhaps they are on the way to the gym, or in college, or perhaps they are sick? I should not think this way! Perhaps if I took the first small step for mankind and started wearing sweats daily you too could wear them, then we all could wear them. How much time do you think I would save picking out an outfit, selecting accessories, looking in the mirror assessing my ass. Aren't we all just a little bit jealous when we see someone wearing sweats on a weekday and that is why we judge them? Let me be clear I am not talking about yoga pants, or leggings, or anything form fitting but classic elastic waistband loose fitting, pockets having, drawstring tying, elastic ankles sweats.

Unsolicited conversations.

I ride the bus. I think the bus is great, although I refer to it as the looser cruiser. Having grown up, and lived in, towns with no public transportation and even no cabs I value this service. Now I know that any crazy can get on the bus, and many of these crazies will decide that they would like nothing better to chat or scream at me. When this gets to be too much I also enjoy walking and riding my bike, even drive sometimes. While I almost expect strangers to attempt a conversation on the bus I am still thrown off when strangers talk to me when I am in other transportation modes. Just the other day I was walking down the street. Along the way a man ended up right in front of me. Average guy jeans, shirt, about my age mid-day middle of the city. We both walked the same direction for a few blocks, when all of a sudden he stops turns and says, " great weather huh?" I look around and he seems to be speaking to me. I give him a look like he is clearly insane and proceed to cross the street and avoid this now identified weirdo. What is strange is that similar incidents keep occurring. While riding my bike I recently had an older seemingly normal woman ride up along side me and comment on how great a ride she was having. And of course on the bus strangers are starting conversations aplenty, but the people appear to be of sound mind. What is going on? Again coming from a small town I understand mindless banter and idle chit chat among strangers but why start a conversation with someone who is clearly not looking for one? On the bus I usually wear sunglasses or a hat, have headphones on and look straight ahead, a combination that I think conveys don't talk to me. I usually have the same thing going on when walking or riding my bike but I also am obviously moving which I thought would further deter conversation not invite. I don't necessarily mind these people talking to me, it does not hurt me but I never respond and some get annoyed. Why? What where you expecting a honest conversation that leads to good feelings and harmony among humanity? An exchange of ideas and perhaps friendship? Someone says hello or good day or gives the universal howdy head nod I usually can kick back the same in turn. however, anything beyond that you are out of luck. Why would you start a conversation with a stranger that does not seem open to your overture?

Pictures on resumes?

Ok I understand that you want to stand out when looking for a job and therefore you have put a picture of yourself on your resume. This is not something I would do because I am not super attractive so no real benefit there and I think it is really awkward for anyone hiring. Are they calling because of the picture or in spite of? Well at least I understand, I think, why the picture is applied but why are you choosing a picture that is ridiculous? You and your cat, you throwing out gang signs drinking with your friends, you in a prom dress, you wearing bedazzled Elvis style sunglasses? Why not you doing some sort of activity related to the job which you are applying or just you normally? I mean I would discourage any picture but seriously why are you picking these pictures?

Hair

I like a nice haircut. Short, long, medium, blond, brunette, red, black, green whatever is fine. I even enjoy a humorous haircut the mullet, the bowl cut, etc... but hair is unique in that it is dead and yet still needs to be loved and taken care of. I see people out there with hair that is just well dead looking. Why? I feel like we only have hair in modern times to attract others or to make ourselves more attractive in general. If you are not using your hair for this purpose why do you have it. Many people look fine without it. And if you have it and are not taking care of it why not? Simply washing your hair is not enough. You must blow dry or style or add product or color or cut do something! But to my eye there are those who allow the hair to grow. Washing and letting it air dry ends splitting laying flat to the head. I understand some people for religious reasons do not cut their hair but let it grow. I understand this but usually see people of these cultures take great care of their hair, or hiding it away. So I guess I don't understand why people choose to have hair if they don't "use" it for anything?

drinking at work?

I am not sure why people do some of the things they do. Not normal things like brush your teeth in the morning or wear socks with sandals but things that I feel are out of the balance of nature or you know just not done. Am I out of touch with normal human behavior or are people really going off the beaten track? I seem to find myself saying why? seriously why? more and more often lately and I really want to know why. For instance I work in food service and lately I have run into many co-workers who feel like it is okay to drink while working. Now I know food service is not a super hard job and many people could drink and perform the job but you are at work. When I mentioned this to a friend of mine who works in an office she shared a similar experience. People were going to lunch and having a few beers then returning to the office to complete their day. Having worked in an few offices I can see why you would want to drink but again you are at work or returning to work. None of these people were drunk they had just been drinking. So I guess I am wondering why do people feel like it is okay to drink and work?